


Pretty Happy Guy

by writing_in_the_dark



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Child Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Mental Health Issues, Sad, Tragedy, just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 23:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14366004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_in_the_dark/pseuds/writing_in_the_dark
Summary: I like to think I’m a pretty happy guy, but there are these moments where I feel like I’ve enjoyed too many hours of happiness in a row. It’s hard to explain. It makes me feel uneasy. It’s like, I know something bad will happen, and I fear that the longer the happiness goes on, the worse the bad thing that happens will be.





	Pretty Happy Guy

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the tags. This is a depressing story.

I’m a pretty happy guy.

I struggle when I hear sad stories, though. That’s just normal, though, right? Like, this guy I work with and his wife just had a baby, and the baby was, like, ten weeks premature. The poor thing almost didn't survive long enough to take her first breath outside her mother’s womb. From what I hear, it could have gone either way for the first week. Thankfully, a month later, the baby is doing much better.

“Hey, Ludwig!” I wave to catch his attention as he walks in on his first day back to work. I’m all smiles. I mean, I wouldn’t want to bring the guy down, right? “Welcome back, man! I hear that girl of yours is doing well.”

He gives me a soft smile and shakes my hand. “Thanks, Alfred. It’s good to be back. She’s doing very well now, thanks.”

“I’m so glad to hear it, man. My brother and his wife lost their little boy about a year ago, and it’s been really tough on them, so I’m glad your little one is doing well.” Maybe I shouldn’t have talked about what my brother went though, given what Ludwig just went through. I was just trying to tell him how glad I was to hear he wasn’t facing the worst scenario.

He gives a sympathetic frown. “I’m sorry to hear that. How old was the little boy when he passed away?”

“He was fourteen months old. Car accident,” I say, regretting having brought it up. The whole thing makes me so sad, I want to cry.

He pauses before continuing the conversation. I’m sure I made him uncomfortable. “Well,” he says, with the soft smile back on his face, “I have photos of mine. Maybe we can meet up for lunch later this week and I can show her off to you.”

I’ve only been in this town and at this job for three months, but I already feel like I’ve made a lifelong friend in Ludwig. I hope he doesn’t hate me, after I thoughtlessly brought up an upsetting topic that probably hits way too close to home for him. Nothing like having someone reopen fresh wounds that haven’t even started healing yet.

 

I like to think I’m a pretty happy guy, but there are these moments where I feel like I’ve enjoyed too many hours of happiness in a row. It’s hard to explain. It makes me feel uneasy. It’s like, I know something bad will happen, and I fear that the longer the happiness goes on, the worse the bad thing that happens will be.

 

I’m walking down the street, enjoying the beautiful weather during my lunch break from work, when I hear a voice yell, “Alfred! Al!”

I turn around and see a familiar face. The face is familiar for two reasons: one, it belongs to my brother, and two, it looks almost exactly like my face. We’re twins.

For a moment, I panic. How did he find me so quickly?

But then I remember what he went through. The part of the story I didn’t tell Ludwig is that one day, a year ago, my brother didn’t realize his son was playing outside, and when he backed out of the garage to go to work, he didn’t see him, and… Yeah. I literally can’t even bring myself to finish telling the story, it’s so sad. Needless to say, it was a total accident, nobody’s fault, but he blames himself. He and his wife Alice were so happy before that, but the stress of losing a child tore them apart.

I want to be there for my brother if he needs me.

I wrap my arms around him and give him a hug. With a huge grin on my face, I say, “Hey, Matt! How are you, bro?”

He seems confused. Doesn’t he understand why I want to know how he’s doing?

“Um, I’m good, Al. But… how are you doing?”

I want to act cheery in front of him, otherwise I might just make him even more sad than he must already be, after losing his kid like that. “I’m totally good, bro!” I answer gleefully.

I thought he was confused, but now he just looks concerned. I don’t know why, though. I look happy, don’t I?

“When did you move, Al?” Matt asks, furrowed brow accentuated by the bridge of his glasses.

“About three months ago. Isn’t the weather here just perfect?” I ask, my arms raised toward the warm mid-day sun.

After a sigh and a long pause, he answers. “Yeah, Al, perfect.” Sighing again, he says, “You still have my phone number, right? Call me anytime, day or night, for any reason.”

“Okay,” I answer. Now I’m confused. If one of us should be relying on the other, it should be him, relying on me. I mean, he’s obviously upset, with the way he keeps sighing.

He hugs me again. “I’m here for you if you need me, Alfred. I think about you a lot. Alice does, too.”

So, he’s been in contact with his ex? That’s good, I guess. Maybe they can patch things up, after all.

I hug him back and say, “Back at you, bro.”

I hate to see my brother looking sad, but he looks incredibly sad as he says, “Well, I’ll let you get back to your day. I love you.” He waves, turns around, and walks away.

He probably hates me.

 

I like to think I’m a pretty happy guy. I mean, that’s why I moved to a place with such awesome weather. It’s sunny all the time. It never snows here.

I moved here because I thought good weather would make me happy.

Sometimes I think I deserve to live in a place with shitty weather.

 

I’m coming home from work, and I’m shocked to see my former sister-in-law Alice standing in front of my apartment building. I hesitate to take another step. What is she doing here? Did Matt tell her where I live?

She forces a smile to her face, but it’s obvious she’s been crying. “Hey, Alfred,” she starts, sniffling before she continues, “Can we talk?”

I don’t know what she’s doing here, but I don’t want to turn her away. She went through the same loss my brother did. It can’t have been any easier on her than it was on Matt.

“Sure,” I tell her, “Come on in.”

She follows me up to my apartment.

“Sorry about the place,” I tell her as we walk in, “I’ve only lived here for three months, and I haven’t had a chance to decorate yet. Or, really, to even buy any furniture, to speak of…”

I bought a bed and bedding as soon as I moved here. Other than that, a workmate gave me a couple of barstool-height chairs they were getting rid of, which I have at the breakfast nook area of the apartment. I mean, what’s the point of spending a bunch of money on furniture if you’re just going to move again?

I’m going to have to move again soon.

I gesture for her to have a seat on one of the barstools, which she does, and I sit on the other. I shove several weeks’ worth of junk mail a few inches away from us, like that’s going to make the place look less messy.

She doesn’t speak right away. She just sits there, looking pensive. I’m not going to push her to talk, so I just sit there and wait. Finally, she asks, teary-eyed, “Why did you just leave like that? We could have been there for each other.”

I’m not sure why she’s acting like this. Maybe she’s upset that I didn’t stay, to continue to support her and Matt through their grief.

“I got this job opportunity here, plus I’ve always wanted to live somewhere with such beautiful weather…,” I try to explain, but she interrupts me.

 “I went to your old place one day, and you were just gone. Your cell phone number was disconnected. Your email and all your social media accounts had been deactivated.”

She’s trying not to cry, I can tell. I feel bad, because I can tell she’s genuinely upset, but I’m confused. I don’t know exactly what I did wrong. I get nervous, and I laugh.

At this, she stands up, picks up her purse, and starts to walk toward the door.

“Wait, I’m sorry…,” I try to apologize, but she interrupts me again.

She’s calmer now, as she says, matter-of-factly, “I’m going to file for divorce.”

I don’t know why she’s telling me this. What happens in her marriage is between her and my brother.

But I should at least try to give them a fighting chance. I clearly remember how happy they were together.

“Wait, Alice,” I say desperately, “just…talk to Matt first, please. You guys were so in love. I thought for sure you’d be together forever. Maybe it’s not my place to say, but I think you and my brother would still be together, if you hadn’t had to cope with the loss of a child.”

She looks confused. Why is everyone looking like they’re confused lately?

But she looks like she’s trying to understand what I’m saying, so that’s good.

“Matthew…and I…were married…and lost a child…?” she asks cautiously.

I don’t mean to be a jerk, but I scoff a little at the question.

“Yeah,” I answer. Like, duh. Maybe I shouldn’t say ‘duh.’ Maybe she’s really been scarred by what she went through. Like, what happened was so difficult to face, she’s in denial of the reality of the situation.

To my relief, she nods and says, “Right. Ok. Yes. I will do that. I will talk to Matthew.”

“Good,” I say, with a smile. “It was good to see you again, Alice.”

“You too, Alfred,” she says, with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen, as she walks out and closes the door behind her.

Why is everyone so sad lately?

I don’t do very well with sad.

 

After she leaves, I don’t feel right. I go straight to bed. I watch some TV on my tablet in bed before falling asleep. I don’t sleep very well. I keep waking up to these sad, sad images. Like, super sad. Like, my nephew…you know…dying…and how sad Matthew and Alice were. I was sad too, obviously. So sad.

I was so sad.

 

I wake up the next morning feeling terrible. I’ve only been at this job for three months, and I probably shouldn’t be calling in sick, but I just can’t deal with it today.

I get up, eat a bowl of cereal, and watch who-knows-what on TV. But I’m tired, so I go back to bed.

 

I don’t know what time it is, but I’m awoken by pounding on my door and people calling my name. I try to ignore it and fall back asleep, but it won’t stop.

I finally get up and open the door to my brother and his ex.

“What’s up, guys?” I ask, trying not to sound annoyed.

“You don’t look well, Al,” Matt says, putting the back of his hand to my forehead.

I pull away from the touch. “I’m fine. I don’t have a fever. I just didn’t get enough sleep last night, so I called in sick.”

“Can we come in?” he asks.

I roll my eyes at family inviting themselves in, but I shuffle aside to get out of the doorway. They come in, and the three of us stand around, looking away from each other uncomfortably.

“Al…,” Matt starts, before stopping. It seems like he doesn’t know what he wants to say. He takes a deep breath in and out, like whatever he’s about to say is going to take some courage, and that scares me. “Al, do you think I’m married to Alice?”

What kind of confusing question is that?

“I don’t know what your exact status is. Married, separated, divorced, whatever,” I say, trying my best to answer a question I don’t understand.

“Al,” he says, boring a hole in my face with his eyes until I turn to make eye contact. “Al, I’m not married to Alice. I have never been married to Alice.”

I laugh out loud at that. That must be a joke, right? Why does he keep saying such confusing things?

“Al,” he says again. Why won’t he stop saying my name? “Al, I’m gay. I don’t have relationships with women.”

Oh, is that what he means? They were never really married, because he’s gay? That still doesn’t quite make sense, but I’m trying my best, so I say, “Oh. Okay.”

“No, no, not ‘okay,’ Al,” he says, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I’ve never been married to Alice. She’s my sister-in-law. She’s _your_ wife, Alfred.”

I laugh a breathy, half-hearted laugh at that. That’s too crazy a thing to laugh at for real.

That’s too crazy, right? Maybe I misheard.

“What?” I ask.

Only after I ask do I notice Alice’s face, filled with tears, which are dropping to the faux-hardwood floors in my apartment.

“What?” I ask again, more desperately, though this time, I notice partway through asking the question that I have tears dripping down my face. What’s going on? Why can’t I stop these tears?

My brother hugs me, but I still don’t get what’s going on. None of this makes sense.

The only way any of this makes sense is if…

No.

No, no, no.

NO. NO. NO!

I speak, muffled by the fact that my mouth is up against my brother’s shoulder, “I didn’t see him. I didn’t know he was there. I didn’t even know he was outside.”

What am I saying?! That wasn’t me. I didn’t do that. That was…somebody else… I thought it was my brother, but now I’m confused.

It had to have been somebody else. I wouldn’t do something like that, would I?

“I know, Al,” Matt tells me, hugging me tight, and my body shakes with sobs.

 

I knew I had been happy too many hours in a row.


End file.
